If This is a Dream...Don't Wake Me Up

Once upon a time there was a magical forest where one of the greatest towns on the planet was inhabited by beautiful women, good bourbon, and Ole Miss football.  Times were not always perfect in the town of Oxford, but then again, where is?  But one day the athletic director and board of trustees smoked crack until five in the morning and gave the keys to the football program to a mean Ogre who was a shrimp boat captain from Louisiana. He came and burned the program to the ground while singing, "Yaw, Yaw, Yaw" at the top of his lungs and blowing a 14-0 lead in the fourth quarter to the evil school to east that worships cows and the bells which they ring.  All was lost in Oxford, even though the Ogre was long gone.

But one day, the athletic director and board of trustees came to the realization they were abusing narcotics and said to themselves, "What have we done?"  They knew they must find redemption for themselves and the town of Oxford.  On Christmas they were visited by the three spirits of Ole Miss: Colonel Rebel, Coach Johnny Vaught and Archie Manning. To the group did the three say, "Get your fucking head out of your ass and open your damn wallet!  Hire a coach who knows a shit or two about football!"

To the west, in a state called Arkansas, they found a man who had been training pigs how to fly and run really fast for ten years.  But the pigs grew tired of the Nutt who had brought them so much, and he was banished from the Sty.  He, too now, was seeking redemption.  The people from Oxford set up an interview with the pig trainer and asked what he could bring to magical town of Oxford. He stated firmly, "I will throw that fucking pigskin down the throat of the School of Cowbells to the tune of 45-0. I will go to Swamp of Gators and smite the biggest Gator of them all, the one they dare not name but I will. The one they call Tebow."

The athletic director and board of trustees were almost convinced they were still high on crack, but the man had an aura of magic around him and they, albeit reluctantly, gave him the keys to the magic kingdom. And lo and behold if the Nutt did not come through on his promises and them some! He even went to the filthy town of Baton Rouge and stabbed through the black hearts of the hybrid hyena/raccoons! Joy had truly come back to Oxford! And then on the second day of the year 2009 he gathered his knights to go to land of Dallas to wage battle with evil Red Raiders of Texas Tech!

But that is a story for another day......

Merry Christmas to All and to All a Goodnight.

-Steve