Let us take a moment to recap our twelve favorite adult detention centers. Short and sweet style.
Alabama - Well fuck me. That is one hell of a process. I'm gonna have to hire Saban to get me some skanks. I had these apes going 6-6 again and they go out and whip teams like they stole Jimmy John's stash. Meth will motivate you, people.
Arkansas - Not bad, Bobby P. I will be the first to admit when you get your own boys in there you porkers are gonna be one tough out. But you still suck.
Auburn - Well the spread just absolutely did not fucking work. But I got mad respect for Tubs. He should drop six of them fingers and give one to Auburn's board of trustees.
Florida - Other than the hiccup against Ole Miss, who in the hell could beat this invasion on wheels? I mean they literally beat brain cells out of defenses this year. Tebow may not end up being worth a shit on Sundays but I will tell my kids about one of the baddest son of bitches to ever play football on Saturdays. I still hate him though.
Georgia - They had a brutal schedule but when you are a preseason number one this had to be a disappointing season. There was one highlight for me though. He can deny it all he wants, but I saw bible thumping Mark Richt mouth the word "fuck" during the Bama game.
Kentucky -"Another bowl? Blah Blah.... Is it basketball season yet?" I find it funny that this is the best run EVER for their football team and worst run EVER for their basketball team and they don't even notice. Retarded people usually don't notice when you are making fun of them either.
LSU - I would just like to thank God for bringing these obnoxious, unfiltered cigarette chain smoking, meth induced, not allowed in Chucky Cheese's, beyond the point of delusional, wife beating (they probably deserved it), dipshits back to earth. Praise God and God Bless America.
Ole Miss - I never would have imagined this season, but man it was a great ride. As a diehard, it was like riding a rollercoaster. And the Florida game left me unable to speak for two days (my friends were happy about that). But good teams win the close ones and Wake Forest, Vanderbilt, and Alabama losses reminded me we are not that good. But man, is the future looking bright. "Ole Miss girls were but on this earth to inspire great men." Yessir. But don't forget good head.
Mississippi State - Oh man. They turned the corner alright. Right into a dump truck of shit.
South Carolina - They were a very odd team this year. Almost Jekyll and Hyde like. Spurrier is so gone after next season. He deserves better. Like Clemson better.
Tennessee - You hear that exhale coming out Knoxville? That's because they forklifted Phil Fulmer's fat ass out of Neyland Stadium. I will give credit where credit is due. That man took mediocre coaching to the next level and ran with it.
Vanderbilt - These fuckers got bowl eligible and just gave up the rest of the season. That's like auditioning for a porn, somehow getting the job, and not going through with it. That's just gay. Not that there is anything wrong with gay. They did beat my precious Ole Miss.*
* Only because Dexter McCluster fumbled the fucking ball on a one yard line run!!! How in the fuck do you do that? I could have gave the ball on the one to a diehard Rebel with nothing but nubbins like Lt. Dan and I swear, I mean swear to God that son of bitch would have held onto the damn ball. He would have been proud to just put on that jersey and walk through the tunnel. You send him in to run the ball he would have thrown a grenade into the defense's huddle to get that ONE FUCKING YARD TOUCHDOWN!!!!
But I'm not bitter.
Well it's bowl season. The one time of year the conference teams like each other. Kinda like families at Christmas.
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