SEC FOOTBALL FANS

College football got underway and I couldn't be happier. At the same time, I can't get any more annoyed. It's when all these bandwagon assholes pop their head out of their trailer to start screaming for their favorite adult detention center.

Arkansas- After rolling around in the hay with their cousin all summer, these guys put on their John Deere hat and overalls and scream, "Whooeee Pig Sooeee!" What in God's name? Just think of the Mountain Men in "Deliverance" and you get the picture. And you know what happened to them? Burt Reynolds killed them with a bow and arrow.

Vanderbilt- These pompous assholes are too busy studying how to be pompous assholes to worry about football. That and their program sucks.

Georgia- These guys think they invented football and think Herchel Walker still plays for them. Whatever...just keep Matt Stafford away from Talladega Speedway.

Auburn- I've yet to meet an obnoxious Auburn fan, so they get a free pass.

Kentucky- They are too busy cheating and buying basketball players to worry about football. That and their program sucks, too.

LSU- Holeee Shit! Have you not heard? Them Tigers are the best damn football program in the nation! Well yeah, shithead! You don't have another school in the state to compete against in recruiting. Who Tulane? Please....you scream for no reason before, during and after football games. Why? Just to make sure you are still breathing? Smoke your unfiltered cigarette, drink your Milwaukee's Best Light, and try to keep your girlfriend from fighting and cussing so much.

South Carolina- Sometimes you just forget they are there......

Florida- Folks, if you don't think mullets and cut-off jorts(blue jean shorts) no longer exist, then you need to meet a Gator fan. Not only do they usually look they should be on Dog the Bounty Hunter but chances are they were. Or Cheaters. Or Jerry Springer. Meth ruins lives, people.

Tennessee- What is wrong with these fans? Everything. Just posting a blog; not trying to write a novel.

Alabama- Oh boy. Bama is back. Just like last year. And the year before that. But THIS is the year. We got us a recruiting championship this year! I will give these uber douches this much....they are stubborn as shit. "Hey, Bama fan, the sky is blue." 'No the hell it's not! Bear Bryant said the sky is Crimson! And he never lied!' Sure buddy, just leave your one remaining tooth under your pillow and "The Bahr" will leave you a loss at home to Louisiana-Monroe.

Mississippi State-Cowbells and Jailcells. Starkghanistan is one helluva whole in the wall. One of the few places on earth where you could possibly get mugged on campus. Or go watch a 0-0 thriller spring game. But they should be okay against Lousiana Tech in the first game....uh well nevermind. But hey you still got the Dawg Pound Rock!

Ole Miss-No one is harsher on Ole Miss fans than ourselves. But we don't really talk a lot of shit, because we don't have time. Too much bourbon to sip, too many gorgeous ladies to gawk at, and well, we actually watch the games. And we stick around during the tough times (and there have been plenty lately).

Should be a good year for the majority of the SEC though. It could be worse....you could be a Southern Mississippi fan.

-STEVE