Croomed? No, Just Nutted On

"Time the fuck out!!! I'm running out of quarterbacks!!!"

Ummm....well, where do you start? I have never seen such an ass whipping in my life. There were practically bodies all over the field. Eleven sacks....dammit boy. The Dogs did not come to play and the Rebels sure as hell did. It doesn't take a genius to figure out what the outcome of the game would end up being. What tickles me is how the play of the offense is just now a cause for concern. Am I the only one who heard of that 0-0 thriller spring game in Starkghanistan? It came as no shock to me that old Sly "resigned" this morning. That's too bad, cuz I could have got used to kicking the hell out of State like that every year.

And if anyone has a problem with Ole Miss supposedly "running up the score"....

-Steve

Geauxx to Hell

"We don't have a quarterback this year, but as good as we are, we probably don't need one. We sure as hell don't need Ryan Perriloux." - a friend of mine at the beginning of the season

"We don't have a quarterback this year, but if we had one, there is no way Ole Miss beats us. We sure as hell needed Ryan Perriloux." - same friend drunk as hell minutes after the LSU/Ole Miss game.

What did we learn from this game, boys and girls? Well Ole Miss is better than most people expected, myself included. But the biggest craptastic thing to come out of it is that Nick Saban truly left Baton Rouge with all the magic he brought to the Tigers when Bama came to town and beat them. What I'm trying to figure out is Tiger logic. Why is their lone argument all of a sudden that they have no signal caller and that's why they are struggling? Well no shit, Sherlock. Show me a team in the SEC with a silent fart of a QB and I will show you losses. It's no coincidence that John Parker Wilson figured some shit out over the summer and that's why Alabama is having a good year. Same with Ole Miss. We finally, and I mean finally, found a son of a bitch that can receive a snap, drop back and throw the fucking pigskin. Result? More wins!

"Well we beat you six years in a row, I guess we will let you win one every now and then."

Dear Mr. LSU fan,

Your fear's the day Saban came back to SEC town and took the Bahr's Job have come true. Blaming poor QB play on the ass whipping you received is the equivalent of getting into a fight and blaming the pants you pissed for your ass whipping. Get a fucking college football life.

Sincerely,

Mr. Ole Miss fan

P.S.

Coach Corky is well....retarded. And LSU fans are well....retarded.

-Steve

SEC HOOKERS OF THE MONTH

"No silly...we don't actually attend Alabama, but we did shack up at a Tuscaloosa Holiday Inn last night! "

Yeah I could not think of two better inaugaral candidates than these two camera loving offsprings of Skeletor. Oh it's rolling baby.....

-Steve

Farewell, Fatass.....

Can Krispy Kreme cure depression? We're sure as hell about to find out. Phillip Fulmer finally spent up all his credits from that national championship he won with Tee Martin. Do I feel bad for the Dean of the SEC? Hell no. He threw Johnny Majors under the bus, tattled on anybody he could (while he himself was by no means running a clean program), and basically cried all the time like the fat kid at McDonald's wanting a fucking ice cream cone even though the little bastard just ate a cheeseburger, fries, soft drink, and the damn toy and Happy Meal box it came in.

So what if he got the Vols to the SEC championship last year? They basically fell into that game because Florida had a brutal schedule last year. Just like his fat ass fell into his job, his national championship, and the doughnut stained orange shirt he put on everyday.

Rocky Top my ass.......

-Steve

ELECTION DAY FOR ASJ

I have decided today is the day the demise of the country begins. Why so pessimistic, Heath? I wish tOk, so once every four years, I make sure I take off the first Tuesday in November to not only make sure I can vote, but to sit around and watch all the results come in. I may not be a huge political expert, but I do enjoy this. Today is a different day though. Perhaps most media cannot show bias toward one candidate or the other, but this is the internet and rules do not apply.

his were not a racial election, but let's face it...it has turned into a black/white issue. I have no problem with Barack Obama being black. I would have had no problem with Hillary Clinton being a woman. If Condoleeza Rice were to run for president, I would have voted for a black woman, so I have no reservations for these particular issues. But upon returning from the grocery store this morning after having seen a congregation of African Americans shouting "Today is OUR day", "We will no longer be held down by the white man", and my favorite "Mr. Obama will SAVE AMERICA". I couldn't help myself and decided to engage in a little conversation. All of a sudden, I was the racist white man who was just voting for McCain because he was white. I want to know why they were making this accusation when one of the crew decided to tell me, "Hell yeah i'm votin' for Obama!" When I asked why, his response was "Because its time a black man runs this bitch!" I think "this bitch" was a reference to the country, and not to the local Winn Dixie, which I think Mr. Obama would probably have a problem running, much less a country.

This just in from Ohio courtesy of Fox News: 2 Black Panthers are standing outside a poll center with nightsticks not letting any white people in.

Folks, we are going backwards here. Do we really want our America to turn into a place where this type of behavior is prevalent again? Whats next? Does the KKK reappear and threaten black people not to vote? This is not an America I want to live in.

Another breaking story out of Kansas City...they are giving away beer for voting. BEER? its 10am and your gonna give me a beer just for voting? I guess I need to move to Missouri.

In the words of one of my favorite radio personalities : WAKE UP AMERICA!!!!

Auburn/West Virginia Live Blog

7:54pm: What is it with posterboard cut outs in West Virginia? Do you not want us to actually see anything but your face? Does it make you cooler to hide behind that drawing of Bert and Ernie? I know they are your heroes, but damn...

7:53 pm: Dear ESPN: For all future Erin Andrews sideline reports, please make sure we get a camera on her....It's bad enough I have to listen to Lou Holtz, at least let me see Erin.


7:37pm: Please take a moment of silence for Chris Todd at this point. Somewhere in Auburn, he is pounding whiskey and telling everyone stories of the first part of the year when he was the Auburn QB. "You see that QB Draw? I coulda done that...fuck it, who am I kiddin...gimme another beer".

7:24pm: West Virginia people are scary. Its not normal to kill a raccoon and wear it on your head to a football game. Somewhere, there is a trailor park empty in Morgantown. I want to know what they cook at tailgates up there. What is a quick and easy way to prepare armadillo? Do you bring one with you or do you hope to hit one on the way to the stadium?

7:06pm: Well this is going to be a short game. 20 plays? Wow...It may not be pretty but I don't think we're gonna see much of the spread from the Auburn tonight. Pat White can't beat ya if he's not on the field. By the way, Chris Berman is officially the most annoying sportscaster of all time. Why the hell is he on NutriSystem commercials? When I think of "in shape" people I wanna look like, Chris Berman isn't on the top of my list. Oh yeah, by the way, Fat Boy Season has officially begun for those who celebrate it...and this year is off to a resounding start so far.

6:49pm: Tommy Turberville looks cold. Let's take a moment to think about the good things that have come from West Virginia....ummmm....the filming of Silence of the Lambs and The X Files...coal, lots of coal....oh yeah, and Mr. Sunshine on my God Damn Shoulder John Denver himself. Take me home country roads.

6:30pm: Why does ESPN do this to me? All i wanna do is sit back and enjoy a good football game. I hear the familiar Thursday night voice of Chris Fowler and then *BAM* they are in the studio..wait wait, no that can't mean that..."And now calling the game, Mark May, Rece Davis, and Lou Fucking Holtz". Really guys? I hope Ssssenderick Marks has a great game just to hear Holtz try to pronounce his name. This is gonna be fun. I'm gonna grab a beer.

6:15pm: 20 minues from kickoff and we have returned from Mike and Ed's BBQ with a mountain of food. Its always a good sign when you have exactly as many to go bags as you do people. And no, this is not Raccoon meat we're eatin here...we'll save that for Steve.

Well fans, 2 of your average southern joes and your favorite average southern jane are camped out in Tuscaloosa on a dreary cold evening preparing to watch the Tigers and Mountaineers do battle. We will be bringing you all the events live here on ASJ.com...a first for us. This should be fun....

Heath/Trey/Chelsea

Tell the rest of the NCAA to bring it on . . .

Hey there kids . . . Island Joe here with the ASJ's first blog since the release of the Bowl Championship Series rankings. It seems that the Earth has righted itself, and all the universe is in harmony, for the SEC is back to its old self again. With four teams (Alabama, Georgia, Florida, and LSU) all sporting positions in the BCS top 25, and teams like Kentucky, Vandy, and Ole Miss showing they can flex a bit of muscle in national spotlight, it seems that the trend in the SEC is one that us fans are all too familiar with: Twelve teams beating the shit out of each other, and the last one standing playing the Big 12 or Big 10 for the National Title.

If you need any evidence for this, just take a look at Alabama's game this past weekend with Ole Miss. The Tide came out swinging, going up 24 - 3 against the Rebels in the first half. The second half, however, was an entirely different story. The Ole Miss defense made their presence known, shutting down Alabama's offense, while Sneed and the Old Miss "O" laid out 17 unanswered points. Alabama also squeaked out a win two-weeks before against a fired-up Wildcat squad. The point being both games had strong potential to be outright upsets for the Crimson Tide.

But not everyone has been as lucky as those boys from Alabama. Auburn is sporting two black-eyes courtesy of Vandy and Arkansas, and Ole Miss' big stop against Florida in the Swamp got the Gators just ornery enough to take a bite out of the Bayou Bengals. And I wouldn't be a true Alabama fan if I didn't mention the Tide kicking the lights on during Georgia's black-out.

Yep, you might as well go ahead pick up some iron underwear SEC fans, 'cause it looks like we're back to biting each other in the ass.

Oh, and if anyone is looking for Tennessee's gameplan, I think Fulmer ate it.

'Til next time.